It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
