I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
