Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
