I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
