6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.