He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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