alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
