I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
