We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
