Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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