Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
