I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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