He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
