I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
