Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
