I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
