I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
