I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize