to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
