The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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