i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.