Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
