Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
