I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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