Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
