I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
