im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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