apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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