So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
