New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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