there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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