found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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