please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
