once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
