I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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