I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
