Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
