I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Drake has all the answers
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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