I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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