ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
