College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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