Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
