oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
