Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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