you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
