Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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