so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
