It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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