This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
