can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
