thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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