I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
