I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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