I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
