Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
