Betty ford says i'm here all night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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