when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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