you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
