We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
