If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I will be naked everywhere
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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