Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
