Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
