mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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