After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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