did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
