I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
