I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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