Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize