i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
