Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
