I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
