I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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