Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
