**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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