Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
