Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
