i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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